What is in Your Sack?

By Cathy Cartmill

Wednesday Afternoon

Write blog. Write blog. Write blog! Right at the top of my list. Yep!  My name has come to the top of the rotation and now I need to say something worthwhile. Never mind that I am as empty of inspiration as ever right now.

There are other things that I would prefer doing. The first of which is putting some distance between this computer and myself!  I could go out visiting on this beautiful day. I always have a number of people that I need to visit. On the other hand, I certainly would not mind going to the park, sitting on a bench, and doing…nothing!  Okay, so that last one wasn’t actually on my list.  It does sound good, though.

Why am I avoiding writing the blog?  Because I have been (let’s just say) a little (well, maybe a lot) out of sorts.  I’m in a funk. That is why. I am in the big fat middle of a dry spell and I don’t know why.  I’ve got nothing! So…I will try to talk it out while I write.

I will start by going back to the “beautiful day” in paragraph two. I am irritated by the unseasonably warm weather. You see, I love the winter.  We have so little of it here, though, and when it is January/February, I want cold weather! The little flag in our front flowerbed at our house says, “I love snow.” I think it’s actually mocking me. Please don’t get me wrong, I enjoy spring, too, but I am always aware that summer is just around the corner and that, I dread!

Um…nothing…I am stuck now. Maybe I can finish this tomorrow.  Yes! That’s a great idea!

 Thursday Afternoon

Ok. I’m back. Let’s see now…where was I?

If I am honest with myself, I know that I have not been taking care of my spiritual self.  I know that I need to spend time with God. I even know how to do so. I have to make real time each day for God. If I know how to do so, why don’t I do it? That brings Paul to my mind.  In Romans 7, he says, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.  For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

I am very humbled to lead the Caregiving: Space for Grace support group each month.  We often talk about making space for God.  At our group, last evening, we talked about guilt and the heaviness associated with carrying our guilt around with us.  We learned together that we can‘t make space for God if we don’t put down our sack of guilt (or anxiety, or woundedness, or busyness, or whatever else we are carrying that we think we can’t let go of). And, there it is!  The busyness! (With some anxiety thrown in for good measure.)

I am inspired by the strong men and women who are caregivers.  They must continue on a journey that they did not choose for themselves.  They must serve their families each day, whether they feel like doing so, or not.  They serve when they are overwhelmed and when they are frustrated.  They serve when they are exhausted and sick.  They put the needs of their loved ones ahead of their own.  These caregivers work tirelessly while their efforts may go unnoticed. They live each day by the example of Jesus Christ.

Therefore, having been reminded by the example of the caregivers and by the perfect example of Jesus Christ, today I choose to put down my sack of busyness (and anxiety) and to make space for God’s grace.

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